These Phrases given by My Dad That Rescued Me as a Brand-New Dad

"I believe I was just in survival mode for a year."

Ex- Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey thought he would to cope with the difficulties of fatherhood.

Yet the actual experience rapidly turned out to be "completely different" to his expectations.

Serious health complications around the birth resulted in his partner Louise being hospitalised. All of a sudden he was forced into becoming her main carer while also caring for their infant son Leo.

"I took on every night time, every nappy change… each outing. The job of both mum and dad," Ryan explained.

Following eleven months he burnt out. It was a chat with his father, on a bench in the park, that helped him see he needed help.

The straightforward phrases "You are not in a healthy space. You must get some help. What can I do to help you?" created an opening for Ryan to express himself truthfully, seek support and find a way back.

His story is commonplace, but infrequently talked about. While the public is now better used to discussing the strain on mums and about post-natal depression, less is said about the challenges dads face.

Asking for help is not weak to ask for help

Ryan believes his challenges are part of a larger reluctance to open up amongst men, who still hold onto harmful ideas of manhood.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the rock that just takes the pounding and remains standing with each wave."

"It is not a display of failure to ask for help. I failed to do that soon enough," he clarifies.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert who studies mental health pre and post childbirth, notes men often don't want to acknowledge they're having a hard time.

They can believe they are "not justified to be asking for help" - particularly in preference to a mother and child - but she highlights their mental health is equally important to the family.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad gave him the opportunity to request a break - taking a couple of days abroad, away from the family home, to see things clearly.

He came to see he required a change to pay attention to his and his partner's emotional states as well as the day-to-day duties of caring for a new baby.

When he opened up to Louise, he discovered he'd overlooked "what she was yearning" -holding her hand and hearing her out.

Reparenting yourself'

That insight has changed how Ryan sees parenthood.

He's now writing Leo letters each week about his journey as a dad, which he hopes his son will see as he gets older.

Ryan thinks these will assist his son to better grasp the vocabulary of emotional life and interpret his approach to fatherhood.

The concept of "parenting yourself" is something artist Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen was without stable male parenting. Despite having an "amazing" relationship with his dad, long-standing difficult experiences resulted in his father had difficulty managing and was "coming and going" of his life, complicating their relationship.

Stephen says repressing emotions caused him to make "terrible choices" when in his youth to change how he felt, turning in alcohol and substances as escapism from the anguish.

"You gravitate to behaviours that aren't helpful," he says. "They can temporarily change how you feel, but they will in the end cause more harm."

Tips for Coping as a New Father

• Talk to someone - when you are under pressure, tell a trusted person, your other half or a professional what you're going through. Doing so may to lighten the load and make you feel less isolated.
• Remember your hobbies - make time for the pursuits that made you feel like you before the baby arrived. This might be going for a run, meeting up with mates or playing video games.
• Don't ignore the physical health - eating well, getting some exercise and where possible, resting, all are important in how your mind is coping.
• Meet other first-time fathers - listening to their journeys, the challenges, along with the joys, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Understand that requesting help is not failure - prioritising your own well-being is the best way you can look after your family.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen naturally struggled to accept the death, having had no contact with him for a long time.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's resolved not to "continue the chain" with his own son and instead offer the stability and emotional guidance he lacked.

When his son is about to have a outburst, for example, they try "shaking the feelings out" together - expressing the frustrations in a healthy way.

Each of Ryan and Stephen say they have become improved and more well-rounded men since they acknowledged their issues, changed how they talk, and figured out how to regulate themselves for their children.

"I have improved at… dealing with things and dealing with things," says Stephen.

"I wrote that in a note to Leo last week," Ryan shares. "I wrote, at times I think my job is to teach and advise you how to behave, but in reality, it's a two-way conversation. I am understanding just as much as you are on this path."